


He Doesn't Realize

by EliDeetz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 19:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliDeetz/pseuds/EliDeetz
Summary: Written for January's Gabriel Monthly Challenge.Prompt: “Has it been so long that everyone’s forgotten me?”





	He Doesn't Realize

He doesn’t realize the effect he has on people.

He may notice the way Dean’s eye twitches whenever he makes a joke out of something. Or how Sam’s jaw clenches at the mere mention of a certain song Gabriel  _loves_  bringing up.

The archangel certainly relishes when Castiel attempts to understand his humor, or visibly stresses at the pranks he pulls from time to time.

Gabriel may see this, and enjoy it. But he doesn’t fully understands the effect his existence has on this world.

Above it all, he has no idea about the one he has on  _you_.

He doesn’t have to say it; you know he’s unaware. You’re certain that if he truly knew, he would leave, or he’d be more obnoxious than he already is. Those are the only two scenarios your brain is capable of picturing, at least the ones that feel realistic to you.

Still there’s always that  _one_. A faint, repressed whisper of a fantasy where he feels the same as you, where you’re together and safe.

It had been years since you buried that one deep within you, since for seven long years it caused you nothing but pain. A type of pain that couldn’t be soothed with medication, and that had left a wound unable to heal or close with gauze and stitches.

Gabriel was murdered, and you would never be together, let alone safe. So you locked it away, next to the feelings you ignored since the moment you met him. And it worked.

Until he came back.

No one really knew why, or how. He was just  _back_ , standing in the middle of the room, and staring at you with a raised brow, drinking in the shocked expressions on everybody’s faces.

 ** _“Has it been so long that everyone’s forgotten me?”_**  Was the first thing he said, once no one else was able to.

But how could anyone forget about him?

How could  _you?_

_He doesn’t know the effect he has on you._

Every word, every look, every touch. They send shockwaves that ripple through you, causing a shiver, a skip on your heartbeat, and a slight pressure on your lungs.

There wasn’t a moment, before, when you wouldn’t worry about him becoming aware of all of that. One would figure sooner or later he would, considering what he happens to be: an archangel, presumably as old as time.

But he didn’t, and it became easier for you to hide it.

It’s one of those days, when you can’t place your attention in anything else that isn’t him. Every train of thought always leads to Gabriel. You try your best to avoid it, but it’s hard to when he’s in the same room as you most of the time.

“We’re going for groceries, you comin’?” Dean asks from the hallway, causing you to move your attention from the celestial being reading across from you in the library to him.

The question lingers in the air for a long second, as the gears in your brain try their best to process what he said. Dean’s brows raise as you lock eyes with him, not so patiently waiting for your response.

“No, thanks.” You barely whisper, already feeling Gabriel’s curious gaze on you.

The oldest Winchester shrugs as he makes his way to the garage, leaving you and the archangel by yourselves. Your eyes finally meet his amber ones, concern paints over his features.

“You ok?” He asks, trying his best to smile softly at you.

He tries not to overwhelm you, knowing well how much you hate it when Sam and Dean question and pressure you into telling them what is going on inside your head.

“Yeah,” is your simple response. You lower your eyes to the book in your hands, and pretend to focus on reading once more.

Whilst Castiel still failed to keep himself from reading your thoughts, Gabriel never once did since the moment you met him. You wondered why, considering the archangel is the definition of nosey.

You’d finally asked him during a rainy night. When forced to stay alone together in the same motel room, you tried to have a conversation flowing, to keep your mind from the memories storms would usually bring to torment you.

_“I thought you could hear everything, all the time. Cas tends to sometimes answer the questions I ask myself.” You sat on your bed, staring at the chessboard between you and waiting for him to make his move._

_After having Gabriel nag you for hours, he managed to convince you to play any type of board game with him. He promised no cheating, meaning he had no intentions of reading your mind at all, and also confessed he actually hadn’t done it in a while._

_His golden eyes were fixed on the board, his lips forming a pout as he debated on what to do next._

_“Eh?” Gabriel’s mouth fell open after answering, his eyes finally meeting yours._

_You couldn’t help a soft giggle to come out at the sight of ‘heaven’s most dangerous weapon’ trying to place his attention on two things at the same time._

_“Telepathy? I thought you do it all the time.”_

_One of the corners of his mouth curled up once his whole attention was focused on you, and he moved his head side to side before replying._

_“No, sugar. Too much noise already,” he explained, falling down on the mattress, and resting his head on one of his hands. “Plus, I **do not**  want to be slapped in the face with Dean’s sexual fantasies whenever I’m around him.”_

_“Good call.” You smiled, now asking yourself just how many things Gabriel was able to listen to, and from how far away as well._

_“I hadn’t thought about it in awhile,” he continued, his amber eyes now scanning your face. “To be honest it also helps to act human.”_

_His characteristic smile remained, as he noticed your puzzled expression. “It’s easier to fool people into thinking you’re human, when you’re able to ignore whatever’s going inside their heads”._

That night changed the way you saw him. Even if the fact that he is an archangel is always present on your mind, you realized how you never once saw him act like Castiel did.

He’s not human, but he sure as hell knows how to act like one.

It’s almost funny how different he is from his brothers, at least the ones you’ve met. Gabriel carries himself like nobody you have ever known. He’s authentic and laidback. There isn’t a thing you can say without having him turn it into a joke.

At times he’s Loki, god of mischief, but at the end of the day, he can be more empathic and sensible than any human on earth. He’s simply Gabriel.

There’s also the way he talks, moves, acts.

Gabriel devours candy like there’s no tomorrow, and sometimes even pretends to enjoy eating food. He watches late tv shows while everybody else sleeps, and can quote about every single blockbuster of the year.

He often lays down next to you whenever there’s enough space on the bed, as if he’s also exhausted from hunting by your side.

But that’s not it, after that night you began to examine him more closely. It’s the little things he does that catch your attention, like the way he blocks everything else as he focuses on something. Or the way he simply blinks every now and then.

Even more so, you can’t help but admire the way his chest raises rhythmically as he pretends breathe.

You raised your eyes from the text to him, and watched him in silence. His hair is combed back, though a couple of wild strands still fall over his face.

A furrow wrinkles his forehead, as he attentively reads the text in his hands. His eyelashes draw intricate shadows down his eyes and cheeks, and his lips form a pout. That pout is always there when he’s truly concentrated.

You wonder what on earth can be so interesting for someone as eternal as him. He’s been around for longer than you can even begin to imagine, but his curiosity and eagerness to learn is similar to that of a child.

Thousands of questions flutter in your head, but you’re unable to ask. You’re much too entranced with him, his attractive features, his presence, his energy. All of him.

Suddenly, his breathing stops. Gabriel is far too focused on his book to keep pretending, and he’s now completely still, you can’t even see his eyes moving.

You need to remind yourself he doesn’t needs to breathe, the way his chest normally moves up and down is a façade. But it’s not enough. His body looks too rigid for your comfort, and the image of him laying on the floor, blood dripping from his wound flashes right in front of your eyes.

There’s a tightness pressing your own chest, the air of the room burns your lungs, and a knot in your throat begins to suffocate you. Panic is traveling through you, nesting in every nerve in your body.

You want to scream, you want place your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. But you don’t.

“Gabriel,” you call his name as calm as you can. Distress is seeping through your pores, and you silently beg he won’t notice.

He listens, but takes a moment to acknowledge you. His head begins to raise towards you, but his eyes remain glued to the book. Finally, liquid amber finds you, and the pout fades once he meets your gaze.

“Sugar?” His tone is soft, and somewhat sweet.

It’s then that his fake breathing continues, relief washes over you, and the breath  _you_  were holding is released with a deep sigh.

“I’m hungry,” you lie, and you try to smile as naturally as you can.

“Let’s get you something, then.” He shuts the book close, and let’s it fall to the table. “Last one to touch the car has to drive!” The archangel immediately raises from his seat, and begins to strut towards the garage.

His energy and good humor make you laugh, and he never fails to makes you feel at ease. You quietly follow behind, happy enough of have him around.

He doesn’t know the effect his death had on you. And he certainly hasn’t the slightest idea how terrified you are of losing him again.

Deep inside you’re certain it’s better if he never does.


End file.
